Special Chicken Wigs

When an ordinary chicken wig just won't do.

Wipe On, Wipe Off

I know. Something you've successfully managed to avoid thinking about your entire life is now at the forefront of your imagination. Don't worry too much though - this is Geelong.
Still, I bet you're wondering why they have both a wet and dry option, like you want to spend time weighing up whether you're more likely to contract airborne or tactile contaminants while you're shopping for your Ezy-Mac. 
Personally I'm just hung up on why Geelong got these before Rezza did. I think I could wage a good case for why we're more deserving. It makes me feel a bit concerned that we're part of an experiment in which Geelong is the Control group. No-one wants to be in that experiment.

Bunny Burglars

Link: Three Women Charged with Bunny Burgling

"Three women allegedly stole rabbits and hoarded more than a hundred of the fluffy creatures in a Melbourne home.
The women, aged 18, 22 and 44, allegedly burgled a pet shop and stole eight mini lop rabbits on March 11.
But on Tuesday, detectives executed a warrant at a Reservoir home and found more than 100 other bunnies.
The three Reservoir women were arrested and charged with burglary, theft and handling stolen goods."

It is believed the defendants will plead guilty of having too much love to give.

Hostages including Bubbles (pictured) are currently being treated for trauma, and snuggling related injuries.

Neighbours commented that the three women keep to themselves, but are well liked in the street because their lawns are always closely mown.

With many thanks to M for the link.

Lucky Draw

For some reason I'm having trouble enticing people to go to the Broadway Bingo Bonanza with me. They have prize pools totalling thousands of dollars every week, and judging by the crowds queueing and smoking durries on Broadway every night I can only assume that it's a Northern hotbed of social networking and romance.
If that's not enough, they regularly have themed nights where punters can dress up and make an occasion of their Bingo experience.

Of course most nights people just come as they are.

Naturally I wouldn't expect anyone to just blindly take my word on this. I recommend you have a look around the Broadway Bingo Bonanza Facebook page and judge for yourself. I'm pretty sure you'll conclude, as I have, that this is a remarkable and welcoming place to spend an evening. 

And of course when you come to that conclusion, do let me know, because I'm still looking for a Bingo partner. 

The Mercy Seat

Link: Toilet Seat Installation

* Picture not to scale

"We will remove your old seat & install the replacement for $40. 

Only takes a few minutes, nothing more to pay. 

Basic universal seat $40 

Caroma Tasman $55 

Apollo no slam (slow-closing seat) $60 

All seats are white !" 

It's a relief to know these people are out there. Sometimes when I'm sitting on the toilet I think to myself "What if I ever wear this seat out? What on Earth would I do about that?" 

It's also a relief to note that my dilemma would be at an end with only one simple payment, because I admit I've worried from time to time about the hidden costs associated with buying a toilet seat.

Remedical Care

Link: Traditional Chinese Full Body Care

Calm-Chi Traditional Chinese Massage of Broadway.
"Our professionally trained staff members, including many that have successfully completed courses in remedical therapies with the diploma of proficiency, will guarantee you with an exceptional relaxation experience." 

*This is not a sexual service 
*Plenty of nearby parking available.

I don't know about you, but my Chi is calm just from reading this.

Cheddar Road and the Zombie Apocalypse

Anyone who lives in Reservoir knows about the Cheddar Road intersection. It's our Berlin Wall. It takes so long to cross this intersection that many people who were born here have never succeeded. Personally I avoid it at all costs. Once, in a foolhardy attempt to cross to the other side for doughnuts, I was entrapped when the level crossing signal failed. It was a whole twenty minutes before anyone in the gridlock even noticed, because that's how long they are accustomed to waiting. It wasn't until a police vehicle arrived to secure the crossing awhile later that anyone twigged, and that was actually pretty funny, to be honest. At the first sound of a siren, cars started peeling off urgently over verges and pavements to get the hell out of there. It was like peak hour in Bangkok.
Tonight I've had to reassess my misgivings about this intersection though. I've just entered Reservoir into Map of the Dead, the interactive map of places around you to help you survive the Zombie Apocalypse, and it would appear that when the forces of the undead take grip of our city, the Cheddar Road intersection is actually one of the best places you could position yourself. 
And of course if you happen to find yourself on the opposite side of the level crossing to the Zombies, you may as well just carry on as usual.

Nature Child

When I lived in the inner city I often remarked on how sad I felt for the children who had to grow up without trees to climb. One of the nicest things about Rezza is seeing kids getting back to nature.

With thanks to C for the picture.

Once a Bridesmaid

Overheard:
"And now he's obviously going to pop the question, so I guess they're fucken married. I dunno what to do about that because I really don't wanna go to the wedding, but if she doesn't ask me to be a bridesmaid I'll be so fucked off with her."

Long Game

Overheard:
"I been playing the Broadway Bingo for about 3 years an' I never won shit."

The fact that she has kept playing speaks volumes for the positive social environment at Bingo Bonanza. Sometimes the journey really is more important.

The Art of Happiness

Do it bitch.

They're onto us Darren. Quick, hide the bucket bong.

For Tying Women

Link: Ties for sale

"I have 15 women ties for sale, the colour of them are red,dark green,gray and light brown , 10 of them are medium size and 5 of them are small, they are brand new,each of them are only $1"

- Reservoir

Forgive me if I've grown a bit dry and repetitive with my posts lately, but I get a little Fibonacci about things when I smell a pattern. If a report shows up on the Vic Police site in a couple of weeks about some dude luring women with Arabic cigarettes, then grabbing them by their hoodies and hog tying them with cheap, yet oddly well-fitted polyester scarves (mostly grey, so far as I can tell thus far), just remember that I called it first. 

Of course I could be wrong. We may be witnessing the fledgling steps of a great entrepreneur who will some day soon own all our houses. Houses in Reservoir, yes, but still....

Coat for girl

Link: Coat for girl 

"I have a coat for girl thats only $5"

- Reservoir

Girl not included - she ran away when I took coat.

Cigarets for sale - Part 2

Link: Cigarets for sale - $10

Feb 7: "I have 20 boxes of Kent cigarets with triple filter and original and every pack has 20 cigarets witch is $10 each pack , there are 2 boxes witch each box contains 10 packs ." 

- Reservoir

It's Exotic

Link: Cigarets for sale $15

Feb 6: "I have 20 boxes of Kent cigarets with triple filter and original and every box contains 20 cigarets ,every box is $15" 

- Reservoir

Sounds like a good deal. Sure, that's about the same price as the cigarettes in shops, but those ones don't have exotic Arabic writing on the packet.

Boating For Beginners

Believe it or not, Edwardes Lake was something of a boating destination back in the day. Formerly home to the Preston Yacht Club, the lake once boasted a traditional weatherboard boat shed, and was quite the locale for tacking about and stealing kisses of an afternoon. The original boat shed somewhat unsurprisingly "burnt down" in the 1970's. Shortly thereafter it was faithfully rebuilt in the preferred medium of the day: chocolate brick. 

For some reason Edwardes Lake never regained its former status as a boating destination from that point; some blame the flashy choice of linoleum in the interior, others blame the rising heavy metal and toxic algae counts in the lake. Either way it's a shame. As a local councillor said recently: "Why can't we offer the same sort of recreational opportunities as Albert Park Lake, like boating? Why can't residents in the northern suburbs have a thriving lake?"

Probably because they'd have trouble shutting down the weekend trolley derby in the car park. And of course there's the toxic water thing. People are funny about that.

With thanks to C for the evocative image.

Light a Match

If you're wondering: no it's not hard waste week. It's not even hard waste month, or quarter. This might well be an illegal extension. My money says it's either gone or utilised within 24 hours though. Forgive me if I don't follow up on that.

It's a Way of Life

If I was presented with the opportunity to leave a message for generations to come, that's probably exactly what I'd say too.

Lust for Life

Link: Darebin Relay for Life cancelled

"DAREBIN's inaugural Relay for Life, which was due to be held in Reservoir this month, has been cancelled.

The relay was scheduled for November 10 and 11 at Edwardes Lake to raise money for the Cancer Council.

It's believed the event's committee wasn't able to raise enough support in time for the event."