The 'Voir Commandments - #10

They scream and it pisses off the neighbours behind the pub.
 They stuff up the seat covers too.

The Thirty Days of Christmas

It's November 20. After almost 3 years in the 'Voir I think I can say with more than a little certainty that in precisely five days the suburb will suddenly be aglow with domestic Christmas decorations. Don't know about you, but I can hardly wait.

Nothing Interesting Ever Happens in the Suburbs

Ten years ago in the 'Voir: 'Vampire' prostitute bizarre in life and death

'To his neighbours Chartres-Abbott, 28, who was gunned down in a daylight ambush last Wednesday, was a polite young man.
He lived quietly with his girlfriend in suburban Reservoir, his only eccentricity a thick black overcoat, which he wore even in summer.
But by night Chartres-Abbott was a male prostitute, who allegedly told a client he was a vampire, older than the city of Melbourne, who drank blood to survive.
The secret life of Chartres-Abbott began to unravel late last month during a sensational court trial, in which he was accused of raping and attacking a client.
 The county court heard the alleged victim, a 30-year-old woman, was found in a foetal position in the shower cubicle of a room in South Yarra's Hotel Saville on August 17 last year.
The woman told the jury that, days before she was attacked, Chartres-Abbott had told her he was a vampire.
He was said to specialise in sadomasochistic sex and supposedly carried a black bag of sex toys including a dildo, whip, ropes, condoms and handcuffs.
Chartres-Abbott's lawyer Alan Hands was scathing, claiming the prosecution's case was a story worthy of Bram Stoker and a mystery worthy of Agatha Christie.
But the defence was to make an equally startling claim.
Mr Hands told the jury the victim and a friend were grooming Chartres-Abbott to appear in a "snuff movie" - a pornographic film in which the actors are actually murdered.
He alleged the victim had gone cold on the idea of recruiting Chartres-Abbott because she had developed an affection for him.
Mr Hands said the woman was attacked after Chartres-Abbott left the hotel about 5am.
The victim said she had hired Chartres-Abbott from Cloud Nine Escorts in Balwyn, a company that employs about 30 male and female prostitutes, because she felt "horny".

The Eternal Optimist

$2 off this shit. You can buy all that other shit too if you like, but it will be full price. If someone buys all this shit I can buy that Dymo labeller I've been wanting for my signage. Dymo is the shit.

Thanks to R for the pic.

You Can't Stop Progress

Every now and then I hear something up here that transports me momentarily to a place where I can see a highly successful range of slogan T-shirts.
Overheard at Northland(s):
"I wanna do what I wanna do. If you don't like it, get outta my fucken life!"

Go You Good Thing!

Tonight I saw a guy jogging in Geelong footy shorts and a turban. I was pretty impressed. It takes guts to be seen jogging around here.

Things I Find Too Often in My Front Yard

Thongs (always paired)
Data cable
Rubbish (of brands oddly distant to point of origin)
Mini zip lock bags

The Wheels of Justice

Phone conversation overheard on the 86:
"I had to go to court this morning because me ex-boyfriend's a fucken dog."