I Have Needs

In addition to needing the lowest prices everyday, and unlimited in-store feeding rights at the self serve nut bar, I need a trolley with a child seat so large that I can crawl into it when I've had too many cones so that my cranky girlfriend can push me around while I giggle uncontrollably and point at all the cheesy snacks I want.
After this I will need to go to Kmart.

I Heart Mum

I 💛 u mum. 
Sorry ur not getting ur bond back 4 the house.

The Bar Has Been Set

Overheard at Summerhill shopping centre:
"This place'll never take off. It's not like Burwood."

Now it's personal

 Overheard at Summerhill shopping centre (cue the sound of thongs angrily flapping as our protagonist takes his mark): 
"They've wrecked the smokes, they've wrecked the drink, they've wrecked the people...... They've wrecked the fucken food!!"

The Naughty Corner

Hot Diggidy

I think I can speak for all of Reservoir when I say Sarah does us proud. She may well have been the amateur long shot on the day, but anyone who has ever seen the all-you-can-eat buffet at Food Star being destroyed would have been quietly confident that the Reservoirian would have the edge. I think we can officially add "Weiner's Trophy" to our limited list of motivations to travel southside.

Well Duuuh!!

Link: Kmart Reservoir locks Cadbury chocolate blocks in security cases.

"...at Reservoir Kmart, it appears that sticky-fingered shoppers have taken it a step further, opening so many packets of Cadbury chocolate that management has been forced to bring in DVD-style security cases."  

I just can't believe that anyone seems surprised. It's a 24 hour Kmart in Reservoir for fuck's sake. Why else would anyone go there at 3am if not to cure the munchies?

Thanks to E for the link


This may look like a pile of crap dumped on public land. Really though, it's a portrait of the human spirit in action, and our ability to adapt and find opportunity in unlikely places.

I  pass this spot quite regularly, and over the last couple of weeks I've watched something both comical and spectacular unfold. It all began when a storm hit Reservoir and a huge branch came down from that tree. It lay there for several days without interference, not even capturing the interest of the crew replanting the street trees at the time. 

It wasn't long though before a local resident did the maths on the nett weight of firewood in that enormous branch, and one day shortly thereafter as I drove by I noticed a bloke had brought a trailer and a chainsaw to the site and was doing a tidy job of cutting the branch into logs. 

The following day I saw that when our urban lumberjack was done removing his loot he had politely gathered all the leftover leaves and twigs into a pile for someone else to worry about. And this was where the real fun began.

No sooner had the pile of leaves and twigs been formed than the locals identified the corner as a dump. The very next day a pile of old kids' crap appeared next to the leaves. The day after that I drove past a guy walking down the street towards the corner with two mattresses balanced precariously on his head. It was awesome how fast everyone adopted a sense of license to dump crap in this fairly arbitrary spot. The fridge though, really, was the crowning moment to my mind. 

The dump wound up being noted and cleared surprisingly quickly. A day or two after the photo above was taken the whole pile had been efficiently removed. Mystifyingly though, the waste crew left behind the original pile of leaves and twigs. 

Now as we well know, a pile of leaves and twigs on public land is basically an indicator of a free dumping site, so....

Seems Legit

Poll Position

Definitely the most dedicated campaigner 
I've seen this election.

Effs for short

In the tradition of a couple of generations of inventive nomenclature in Reservoir, I bring you Effone. I discussed correct pronunciation with a couple of friends and we agreed it should rhyme with "deafer knee". We also agreed the name is made no less attractive by the fact that Effone has elected to tag it onto the back of a local junior league football shelter and punctuate it with a mark we debated as being perhaps a superfluous quotation mark, an umlaut, or the somewhat more likely option of a smiley face.

Not In My Back Yard

I'd like to send a special hello to all our local candidates in the upcoming federal election. 
Having Rezza in your electorate on polling day must be like having an A.D.D kid on a hot air balloon ride. Enjoy!

Mixed Media

In this work we see a highly creative, if not subversive application of the artist's trademark 'Cock and Balls' motif onto pre-existing utilitarian forms on the exterior of a rental vehicle. A postmodern bas-relief technique has been employed wherein dirt and detritus are removed from a soiled surface by hand to expose clean, negative space. We can assume it is no coincidence that he chose an Atlas rental vehicle for his canvas, speaking as it does in the most literal sense of the weight of the modern world in which we find ourselves. When juxtaposed with the whimsy of the primitivist phallic form, (drawn twice, to seemingly emphasise its impact, yet on the balance, quite consciously diluting it) then taking his work "to the streets" via this most literal and incidental of methods, the viewer is left only with the question: "What is permanent anyway?"

And if you fall......

All great music careers have to start somewhere. I guess by that logic they have to end somewhere too.

Can I please ask everyone out there to put down the bong, take a moment to raise your lighters high and sing a verse with me for Daryl?

Can't you see him, he's down on the grou-ound
He has a broken wing, looking all arou-ou-ound
That's the way it's gonna be little darlin' (be little darlin')
You'll go riding on the horses yeah yeah
Way up in the sky little darlin' (in the sky-y little darlin')
Oh, and if you fall I'll pick you up, pick you u-up

Man, I bet there was some sick denim in the RSL that night.

Stranger Danger

A local mother, calling to her children: 
"Get inside! There's a cunt lookin' at ya!"
To the cunt: 
"You're a fucken idiot!!"

Mum - 1
Cunt - 0

Na Mate We Can Fix It!

My guess is that you don't come up with a name like this until you've been asked "Is it fucked?" enough times.

The Harbinger

A while back now I noticed this very upsetting development in the local community - Reservoir cultural institution and social mecca Broadway Bingo Centre has closed down. Yes. Anyone who has made it right through this blog will know the special place that Bingo Bonanza held in my heart, like here, and here

More recently it has emerged that the Bingo is to be replaced by the incongruous yet increasingly predictable real estate outcome in Reservoir of a commercial gym.

I guess a few months from now the flickering Bingo sign will be gone and Broadway will be increasingly populated with people in lycra zipping intently from their car past the op shop and the crazy bargains shop up the stairs (two or three at a time) to the gym. 

On the plus side, I guess they'll help Rezza's mortality stats, and to be fair we could probably use a boost there. For a while at least though, whenever I see the gym I'll still think of the dismal array of people you always used to see chugging a durrie on the pebble mix staircase between bingo games. I'll never be able to explain the fondness I formed for them. Maybe it was because they always looked as though they were exactly where they wanted to be. You never see that in a gym.

Ace Ventura Pet Detective

You know those moments where there is suddenly a perfect symmetry in the world, and it gives you an overwhelming sense of place? I just saw an Ace Ventura Pet Detective leg tattoo. It was mesmerising, and my urge to take a photo was only barely tempered by the fact that I was a little afraid of the woman it belonged to.
The sighting perfectly bookended a day that had begun listening to a breakfast radio conversation about how irretrievably Ace Ventura has failed to stand the test of time. I wonder if she was listening to the show this morning and was prompted to bare her legs today in defiance of popular opinion. I kind of hope so.
Had I managed to take a photo, this is what you would see, only black and white. And on a leg of course. Honestly, who could get sick of that face?