Spring Fling

The guys around the corner have built a sick bike jump in their driveway for their tiny little bmx's out of a milk crate and some 3-ply. The guys are about 30.

Habitat Control

How many of these poor bastards have to die before someone mows the lawn?

Daisy Pushers

There's a 24 hour florist on Bell Street. People have told me it's because there's a cemetery nearby. 
Ergo: visiting a cemetery in Reservoir at 3am isn't weird, but forgetting to take flowers is.

She Bangs

My neighbour stopped me for a chat at the front gate. He wanted to know if they had woken me up with all the noise the night before. They hadn't, but he had certainly piqued my curiosity.
"My wife got locked in the toilet. She said she was banging at the door and yelling for eight hours, but I never heard anything. I slept right through."
"Is she alright?"
"Ah, don't worry about her, she's fine. Just wanted to make sure you weren't bothered by all the racket."

Lawn Politics

Until I moved to Reservoir I never knew that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who maintain their lawns properly and those who don't. It's serious business. Those who don't are gradually made to feel very uncomfortable via a number of methods. One of the more popular methods is this one:

For my own part, I regularly come home to find that my nature strip has been mown, and I rarely know who has done it.  
Friends tell me it's nice, and that I need to let go of my belief that it's creepy.
I would probably find this easier if not for the fact that I have my own mower and all my neighbours know this.

I Like it

I am the 50th person to like Broadway Bingo Centre's Facebook page.

Bingo Bonanza!

I've noticed that the one place in Reservoir that's always jumping, aside from the Tabaret and the Rose Shamrock Hotel of course, is the Broadway Bingo Centre.
Now I understand why. Check out these fantastic prizes:

I particularly like all the $999 prizes. Given that pricing something at $999 is a classic strategy for making a thousand dollar thing sound like it's actually a whole lot cheaper than a thousand dollars, I think this represents a touching humility on the part of the organisers. I'm going to have to check this place out.
You can see their website here.

Small Claim

The Reservoir H & R Block is only open on Mondays from 11am - 5pm, or on other days by special prior appointment. Clearly tax isn't a pressing issue in this community. Skase should have run to Reservoir.

Postscript: It seems only fair to mention that this is their only branch that ever got me any money back.

Feel the Love

I was the 6th person to like the Reservoir Railway Station Facebook page and the 16th person to like the Reservoir Facebook page. That was almost 6 months ago. Each page has attracted one more like since I joined them. Both are friends of mine. Neither lives in Reservoir.

Read on if you love a bargain

This arrived in my mailbox a while back. For some time it was just a source of amusement. But then I started shopping at Bob's and now I have to say that the prices really are crazy. 

But wait, there's more on the back.....

"I am going to do something no other green grocer has the guts to do."
Evidently free lettuce was uncharted territory within their industry until recently. Go Bob's!

Freedom of Information

Taste Test

Product advice from the sales assistant at Summerhill Safeway liquor: 
"Them ones are really nice. They don't even taste like they've got alcohol in 'em."

Note: To date Woolworths haven't attempted to rebrand this branch of Safeway. Actually I'm pretty sure the signage is circa 1981.

More shattered(er)

Overheard at Northland(s): 
"That's why I'm so shattered. We were rool sick c**ts, and now we mean nothin' to each other..."


Overheard at the Thirsty Camel Drive Thru: 
"I never been more shattered. Except when Geelong lost the cup. Then I was totally shattered...."

Food Star All You Can Eat: Part 4 - The Dream Realised

The commanding facade

God is in the detail (NB: Drinks incur extra charges)

Sumptuous International Cuisine

International Desserts

Food Star All You Can Eat: Part 3

Have just joined the I ♥ Food Star - Reservoir group on Facebook. I'm reassured by the fact that 3 of the (now) 4 members have Geelong origins. I have a good feeling about this.

Food Star All You Can Eat: Part 2

This is word-for-word cut and paste from the web site:

At Foodstar we're always looking for great new people to join our team, but what's in it for you?
  • Need extra pocket money to buy an ipod, psp or pay for schoolies? No problem, a few shifts will do the trick.
  • We're open 10am to 10pm 7 days a week so you'll always find a time that suits your hours.
  • Youthful culture. Everyone here is young and in high school or uni (except the people who work in the kitchen) so if you want to meet other people your age, it's a great place to start. Hey we have even seen love blossom at Foodstar! It's true!
  • No experience. No worries! We just want people who can speak English and have a great smile :P
  • Free Food, well almost... You get whatever is left after the customers leave. Hey it's better than nothing, it's still restaurant quality food.
So what now? Download the job application form and bring it to your nearest store and give it to the manager.

Don't believe me? Fine. Click here.
I can't take credit for the link to Wikipedia explaining what "love" is though; that was actually embedded in their site.

Food Star All You Can Eat: Part 1

This is now my closest restaurant. Naturally I am excited to learn all about it.

Click here for the handy price calculator. Love it!!!
Seniors lunch on Sunday now with prawns. Win win!

More Reservoir News....

Police hunt man who violently assaulted girlfriend

Christmas in Reservoir

Reservoir is a magical place at Christmas.

Bake Day

My friend, her two year old daughter and I take a drive to Northland(s), because that is what you do when you move to Reservoir. As we are driving down Albert Street a large, heavily tattooed man bolts into the oncoming traffic with a look of unbridled terror in his face. Seconds later a petite, fairly psychotic young woman hurls herself into the traffic after him wielding a rolling pin. For one god-awful split second she locks eyes with us Medusa-like and we slump into our seats in an attempt to neither laugh or soil ourselves. 
When she passes my friend says
"That really happened right?"
"Yes." I say.
"Why the hell did she have a fucking rolling pin? I mean, it's not like she's actually in the habit of baking pies, is it?"

No Sale

A man with a pot belly and a huge 'stache wearing a t-shirt, footy shorts & thongs knocks at my door. He is holding a pack of jumbo bin liners and a pack of generic boiled lollies.
He says: "Sellin' these for charity. Ten bucks for the bag of lollies, or the pack of ten bin bags, or for both."

4 Sale

I love that making a half decent sign was obviously too much work, but chaining the bitch down tight enough that the jaws of life couldn't liberate it was no hassle at all.
That said, wise move.

The Good News

In my enthusiasm to integrate seamlessly into my new environment, I begin researching news stories online. A colourful and exciting picture begins to emerge.

Some fascinating links:
Nude man attempts break in at Reservoir
Three arrested over ram raids
Reservoir Police raid
Disabled man hit by car at pedestrian crossing
Taser, sledgehammer used in bashing
Search for alleged 'Vampire Murderer'
Reservoir man Eric tells of terrifying fight with pit bull that killed his dog and latched on to his arm

You Said It

Moving Day

Moving day went in the usual fashion: dust, a van, two paid men grunting under the weight of a metal action sofa bed not declared on the job sheet. A resolute nod as I closed the door on my last twenty years of life in the inner city. Change is good.
As we unloaded into my new home I became aware of a woman loitering at my gate, watching me while small children swarmed around her.
"Hello." I said.
She replied "Have you changed the locks yet?"
Welcome to Reservoir.