My guess is that you don't come up with a name like this until you've been asked "Is it fucked?" enough times.
The Harbinger
A while back now I noticed this very upsetting development in the local community - Reservoir cultural institution and social mecca Broadway Bingo Centre has closed down. Yes. Anyone who has made it right through this blog will know the special place that Bingo Bonanza held in my heart, like here, and here.
More recently it has emerged that the Bingo is to be replaced by the incongruous yet increasingly predictable real estate outcome in Reservoir of a commercial gym.
I guess a few months from now the flickering Bingo sign will be gone and Broadway will be increasingly populated with people in lycra zipping intently from their car past the op shop and the crazy bargains shop up the stairs (two or three at a time) to the gym.
On the plus side, I guess they'll help Rezza's mortality stats, and to be fair we could probably use a boost there. For a while at least though, whenever I see the gym I'll still think of the dismal array of people you always used to see chugging a durrie on the pebble mix staircase between bingo games. I'll never be able to explain the fondness I formed for them. Maybe it was because they always looked as though they were exactly where they wanted to be. You never see that in a gym.
Ace Ventura Pet Detective
You know those moments where there is suddenly a perfect symmetry in the world, and it gives you an overwhelming sense of place? I just saw an Ace Ventura Pet Detective leg tattoo. It was mesmerising, and my urge to take a photo was only barely tempered by the fact that I was a little afraid of the woman it belonged to.
The sighting perfectly bookended a day that had begun listening to a breakfast radio conversation about how irretrievably Ace Ventura has failed to stand the test of time. I wonder if she was listening to the show this morning and was prompted to bare her legs today in defiance of popular opinion. I kind of hope so.
Had I managed to take a photo, this is what you would see, only black and white. And on a leg of course. Honestly, who could get sick of that face?
The sighting perfectly bookended a day that had begun listening to a breakfast radio conversation about how irretrievably Ace Ventura has failed to stand the test of time. I wonder if she was listening to the show this morning and was prompted to bare her legs today in defiance of popular opinion. I kind of hope so.
Had I managed to take a photo, this is what you would see, only black and white. And on a leg of course. Honestly, who could get sick of that face?
Well there goes the best sight gag in Reservoir.
I've always particularly loved the second layer of humour in the sandwich board offering live crickets and frozen rats & mice. To date it seems Harry has never noticed a connection between this and the fact that no-one ever wants to take advantage of his al fresco dining option.
The Aussiest Interview Ever
I shared this clip on Facebook already but it deserves a proper blog post. Shortly after news broke a couple of days ago about a Reservoir man pursuing, running over then fighting with the thief who stole his 4WD and trailer, this highly entertaining and uncooperative interview with a couple of his mates surfaced. For anyone who has yet to see it, the magic begins about 30 seconds in.
The clip went viral, receiving 6 million views overnight, and has been dubbed the 'Aussiest interview ever'. Indeed, if you google 'Aussiest interview ever' this clip will be your first few results, and if you google 'Tony Montana' these guys will also be your first result. Yes, they've bumped Al Pacino.
I'm filled with pride to know that the Aussiest interview ever was filmed in Rezza. These guys should really get an Australia Day award next week. Or at least free kebabs for life on Broadway or something.
The clip went viral, receiving 6 million views overnight, and has been dubbed the 'Aussiest interview ever'. Indeed, if you google 'Aussiest interview ever' this clip will be your first few results, and if you google 'Tony Montana' these guys will also be your first result. Yes, they've bumped Al Pacino.
I'm filled with pride to know that the Aussiest interview ever was filmed in Rezza. These guys should really get an Australia Day award next week. Or at least free kebabs for life on Broadway or something.
Albert Come Home
I saw this on my adventures today.
If we all look out for budgies hopefully together we can help bring Albert home.
And if you see anyone pointing and wolf whistling around our streets in the near future don't dismiss them out of hand as perverts - they might just be trying to attract a budgie.
Taking Care of Business
Link: Driver runs over Nissan Patrol thief in Reservoir, Melbourne
Most people would just call the police if they heard their car being stolen. In Reservoir people like to sort out their problems themselves though. I think this represents a fairly admirable sense of personal responsibility.
I bet all the people who pride themselves on 'Regent' being a sort of elite annex of Reservoir won't be so vocal for a while now. We owe this guy a debt of gratitude for that alone.
"DETECTIVES are continuing to interview a man who chased and mowed down a man who allegedly stole his 4WD to determine if he should be charged..........The 4WD owner woke to the sound of his car being stolen on Myrtle Grove in Reservoir and jumped into a second car to give chase around 5am.
He chased the bandit to Regent St.
The thief then stopped the car and got out before the man ran him over, causing severe injuries.
Neighbours called police when the two men started fighting....."
He chased the bandit to Regent St.
The thief then stopped the car and got out before the man ran him over, causing severe injuries.
Neighbours called police when the two men started fighting....."
I bet all the people who pride themselves on 'Regent' being a sort of elite annex of Reservoir won't be so vocal for a while now. We owe this guy a debt of gratitude for that alone.
Merry Christmas One and All
Merry Christmas everyone. I hope your Christmas Day was full of joy, and free of injuries associated with giving the barbecue a nudge with lighter fluid, poorly executed fart lighting contests, or seeing if Auntie Doreen would get pissed off if you flick her arse with a teatowel.
I also hope your Boxing Day has been restful and you were able to destroy everyone in your path at Northlands when you went in to exchange all your gifts and get a pile of sick bargains with all your new gift cards.
Here's a clip I saw the other night. I don't think it was filmed here, but when I saw it I immediately got excited about Christmas Day in Reservoir.
I also hope your Boxing Day has been restful and you were able to destroy everyone in your path at Northlands when you went in to exchange all your gifts and get a pile of sick bargains with all your new gift cards.
Here's a clip I saw the other night. I don't think it was filmed here, but when I saw it I immediately got excited about Christmas Day in Reservoir.
With a Bullet
APRA AMCOS keep stats on which Australian postcodes have the most songwriters registered with them. Apparently back in 2003 Reservoir was sitting comfortably at number 29. Seems plausible, since it's a list of 30, and let's face it: you want to try, but you don't want to try too hard and look like a wanker do you?
Somewhere in the last decade though, Reservoir ceased to make the "top" list of songwriters, and rejoined the "growing" list. I'm trying to work out why. It could be that the hard rock writers of Rezza realised that all the great songs have already been written by ACDC, and politely bowed out of the contest. Or it could be that all the blues writers began to question the plausibility of starting songs about Reservoir with "I woke up this morning....". Or perhaps the dance writers were imprisoned in a meth siege several years ago and have yet to be reported missing due to several hundred facebook friends who keep tagging them every Saturday night, creating the illusion that they are still around, but just very busy clubbing.
Personally though, I think it's just Reservoir's generosity of spirit that bumped us out of the top 30. When you've reached the top it's only right to wind things down and give someone else a go. Unless Geelong make the top 30 of course. It's fucking on if they make it.
Somewhere in the last decade though, Reservoir ceased to make the "top" list of songwriters, and rejoined the "growing" list. I'm trying to work out why. It could be that the hard rock writers of Rezza realised that all the great songs have already been written by ACDC, and politely bowed out of the contest. Or it could be that all the blues writers began to question the plausibility of starting songs about Reservoir with "I woke up this morning....". Or perhaps the dance writers were imprisoned in a meth siege several years ago and have yet to be reported missing due to several hundred facebook friends who keep tagging them every Saturday night, creating the illusion that they are still around, but just very busy clubbing.
Personally though, I think it's just Reservoir's generosity of spirit that bumped us out of the top 30. When you've reached the top it's only right to wind things down and give someone else a go. Unless Geelong make the top 30 of course. It's fucking on if they make it.
Feeling Festive
Tonight I'm finally starting to feel the Christmas spirit, even though all the domestic light displays have been up for precisely 20 days and the biker who manages the childrens' crossing on Plenty road has been wearing his Santa hat to work for a couple of weeks. Rezza has finally begun to cut sick tonight, busting out the "1986 With a Bullet" cd's, and discreetly testing their stockpiles of illegal fireworks in backyards and school playgrounds ahead of the Rezza New Year's Eve spectacular.
I'd like to give all my non-Reservoirian readers a hot tip that I only discovered last year when I stayed at home on NYE following an unexpected December 29-30 blowout: the fireworks in Rezza on New Year's Eve are by far superior to the ones in the city. You can position yourself pretty much anywhere in Reservoir between 11pm and 2am on New Year's Eve and the sky will be awash with a staggering and highly unpredictable display of pyrotechnics. The soundtrack is heaps better too. I've never felt so prepared to embark on a new year as I did in 2014, when "Thunderstruck" started belting from my neighbour's garage right on the stroke of midnight, just as all hell broke loose in the sky.
I'd like to give all my non-Reservoirian readers a hot tip that I only discovered last year when I stayed at home on NYE following an unexpected December 29-30 blowout: the fireworks in Rezza on New Year's Eve are by far superior to the ones in the city. You can position yourself pretty much anywhere in Reservoir between 11pm and 2am on New Year's Eve and the sky will be awash with a staggering and highly unpredictable display of pyrotechnics. The soundtrack is heaps better too. I've never felt so prepared to embark on a new year as I did in 2014, when "Thunderstruck" started belting from my neighbour's garage right on the stroke of midnight, just as all hell broke loose in the sky.
Let There Be Light
Last night I discovered that Geelong has an interactive domestic Christmas light map, to help you plan your itinerary when you decide to make a voyeuristic outing centred around the struggle between ostentatious yuletide displays and the carbon footprint.
Obviously my first response was awe, but shortly thereafter I realised that if any region needs a domestic Christmas light map it's Reservoir. So I took a few moments and threw one together, based on my various investigations in the past. I hope this helps.
Obviously my first response was awe, but shortly thereafter I realised that if any region needs a domestic Christmas light map it's Reservoir. So I took a few moments and threw one together, based on my various investigations in the past. I hope this helps.
Community Fun Day
Looking for something to do today? The Rose Shamrock Hotel, the gaming establishment that brought us both red and white wine, are holding their Community Fun Day right now.
A perfect family day out, you can fill your kids up with fairy floss and popcorn, toss them into the jumping castle then go get a bit of "me" time on the slots until one of them pukes.
I Love Birds
Link: I ADOPT FREE UNWANTED BIRDS HAND REARED PREFERRED EASIER 2 HANDLE
- Reservoir
"I DO NOT ADOPT SICK OR INJURED BIRDS THANKS : Hi guys you or anyone you know that have any unwanted birds that u don't longer want or don't have the time for them or whatever reason. I'm more then happy to come to you but have to be in the northern area. I have parrots cockatoos budgies and heaps more there all on healthy diets and drink water I love birds and can never have enough of them. I don't get birds then sell. I get them and adopt them and give them everything they need."
- Reservoir
'Voir King 2014!
Link: Reservoir Coles attendant crowned Mr Melbourne Australasia 2014
ASPIRING model and actor Aakash Yuvvraj is on cloud nine after winning a "personality-based multicultural beauty pageant".
The Reservoir man, 21, took out the title Mr Melbourne Australasia 2014, one of three awards for males in the Melbourne International Quest in March.
The win has been a big boost for the Coles Express shop attendant, who was born in Delhi.
"It was a dream since I was 15 years of age," Mr Yuvvraj said.
"It's a huge boost for my modelling career and will bring me more opportunities.
"It will put me in the limelight and all that."
On behalf of all the 'Voir I'd like to congratulate Aakash on his big win. Winning a personality-based multicultural beauty pageant in the 'Voir is akin to winning Eurovision.
I know where I'll be buying my Cheetos this Sunday morning.
With thanks to the irrepressible KD for the link.
ASPIRING model and actor Aakash Yuvvraj is on cloud nine after winning a "personality-based multicultural beauty pageant".
 |
| Aakash Yuvvraj on cloud nine |
The Reservoir man, 21, took out the title Mr Melbourne Australasia 2014, one of three awards for males in the Melbourne International Quest in March.
The win has been a big boost for the Coles Express shop attendant, who was born in Delhi.
"It was a dream since I was 15 years of age," Mr Yuvvraj said.
"It's a huge boost for my modelling career and will bring me more opportunities.
"It will put me in the limelight and all that."
On behalf of all the 'Voir I'd like to congratulate Aakash on his big win. Winning a personality-based multicultural beauty pageant in the 'Voir is akin to winning Eurovision.
I know where I'll be buying my Cheetos this Sunday morning.
With thanks to the irrepressible KD for the link.
Love is Blind
I've commented before on how seriously I take the provenance of my material. But from time to time something so spectacular comes my way that I have to flex a little and post material from neighbouring suburbs.
This masterpiece was spotted today in Preston. Of course it's entirely likely that it was parked in Rezza when it got its custom paint job.
With thanks to E for the magnificent image.
With thanks to E for the magnificent image.
Gary Had a Little Lamb
Meet Lambchop. In a suburb where the pet du jour is generally a muscle dog, a snake, or a cat with battle wounds and an attention disorder, one resident chose the road less travelled and opted for a lamb, then fattened it up daily for months in the local public park.
I am informed that this picture captures Lambchop's disaffected, and somewhat embarrassing response to inner city newcomer 'Molly Ringwald'. Molly may well have lost that round, but I'm told that Lambchop hasn't been seen at the park since the outset of Lent. I guess that's game, set and match to Molly.
Thanks to KD for the pic.
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