Shiver Me Timbers

Seen in the carpark outside Coles: what appears to be a rather petite shiv, next to a menthol cigarette butt. I'm picturing a delicate local lass who was getting geared up to shop for some toilet paper.

Merry Christmas From The 'Voir!

Well if this isn't just the spirit of a 'Voir Christmas - it lights up, makes a lot of noise, but doesn't really go anywhere. And the sound of thongs slapping purposefully in the background of course.

Down by the River

Looks like the sacred waters of Darebin Creek have delivered another miracle.

Reservoir Security System

Happy Halloween From The 'Voir!

Halloween is a tricky time in Reservoir. You can never quite be sure what is or isn't a decoration. It's safe to say that Halloween briefly legitimises a lot of what's already going on here every other day though.

AF Mate

I Don't Think it Works Like That

Conversation overheard at Coles between two teenage girls:

Girl 1: "Dya want chips?"
Girl 2: (Texting) "Don't care."
Girl 1: "Dya want veggie chips? They're fucken good as."
Girl 2: "What are they?"
Girl 1: "They're made of veggies."
Girl 2: "I don't eat vegetables."

Grass is Green

When people think about moving to Reservoir from the inner city they always get a bit anxious that they will lose the lifestyle they are accustomed to. For anyone going through that process right now I'd like to assure you that you have nothing to worry about. You'll still be able to go to cafes and bars. If you're lucky you'll also still get to pick syringes out of your front yard like you used to in Fitzroy too.

Christmas is ruined

And that's why you don't ever put radiator water in the battery kids.

I Have Needs

In addition to needing the lowest prices everyday, and unlimited in-store feeding rights at the self serve nut bar, I need a trolley with a child seat so large that I can crawl into it when I've had too many cones so that my cranky girlfriend can push me around while I giggle uncontrollably and point at all the cheesy snacks I want.

After this I will need to go to Kmart.

I Heart Mum

I 💛 u mum. 

Sorry ur not getting ur bond back 4 the house.

The Bar Has Been Set

Overheard at Summerhill shopping centre:
"This place'll never take off. It's not like Burwood."

I'll make up the spare room for you

Now it's personal

 Overheard at Summerhill shopping centre (cue the sound of thongs angrily flapping as our protagonist takes his mark): 
"They've wrecked the smokes, they've wrecked the drink, they've wrecked the people...... They've wrecked the fucken food!!"

The Naughty Corner

Hot Diggidy

I think I can speak for all of Reservoir when I say Sarah does us proud. She may well have been the amateur long shot on the day, but anyone who has ever seen the all-you-can-eat buffet at Food Star being destroyed would have been quietly confident that the Reservoirian would have the edge. I think we can officially add "Weiner's Trophy" to our limited list of motivations to travel southside.

Well Duuuh!!

Link: Kmart Reservoir locks Cadbury chocolate blocks in security cases.

"...at Reservoir Kmart, it appears that sticky-fingered shoppers have taken it a step further, opening so many packets of Cadbury chocolate that management has been forced to bring in DVD-style security cases."  

I just can't believe that anyone seems surprised. It's a 24 hour Kmart in Reservoir for fuck's sake. Why else would anyone go there at 3am if not to cure the munchies?

Thanks to E for the link

Wasteland

This may look like a pile of crap dumped on public land. Really though, it's a portrait of the human spirit in action, and our ability to adapt and find opportunity in unlikely places.

I  pass this spot quite regularly, and over the last couple of weeks I've watched something both comical and spectacular unfold. It all began when a storm hit Reservoir and a huge branch came down from that tree. It lay there for several days without interference, not even capturing the interest of the crew replanting the street trees at the time. 

It wasn't long though before a local resident did the maths on the nett weight of firewood in that enormous branch, and one day shortly thereafter as I drove by I noticed a bloke had brought a trailer and a chainsaw to the site and was doing a tidy job of cutting the branch into logs. 

The following day I saw that when our urban lumberjack was done removing his loot he had politely gathered all the leftover leaves and twigs into a pile for someone else to worry about. And this was where the real fun began.

No sooner had the pile of leaves and twigs been formed than the locals identified the corner as a dump. The very next day a pile of old kids' crap appeared next to the leaves. The day after that I drove past a guy walking down the street towards the corner with two mattresses balanced precariously on his head. It was awesome how fast everyone adopted a sense of license to dump crap in this fairly arbitrary spot. The fridge though, really, was the crowning moment to my mind. 

The dump wound up being noted and cleared surprisingly quickly. A day or two after the photo above was taken the whole pile had been efficiently removed. Mystifyingly though, the waste crew left behind the original pile of leaves and twigs. 

Now as we well know, a pile of leaves and twigs on public land is basically an indicator of a free dumping site, so....

Seems Legit

Poll Position

Definitely the most dedicated campaigner 

I've seen this election.