Beauty is where you find it

Happy Australia Day From The 'Voir!

Rezza is awash with the smell of charred flesh and national pride today. The excitement began to build late last night with the sound of distant neighbours testing out their stocks of illegal fireworks. 

I have been led to understand that when Australia Day falls on a Saturday, creating a public holiday on Monday, it takes on a similar significance to a leap year or a Chisel tour, in that it hardly ever happens, but when it does you get to stay pissed for a whole extra day. 

I get the feeling that tonight is going to be amazing.

Anthem

This is the theme song of the Mustangs (Reservoir Football Club). It is sung to the tune of "The Road to Gundagai", sometimes suddenly and without warning. 

We're a team with guts galore
We're the boys from Reservoir
We are the boys from Reservoir
From back to the forward line
Our system is divine
For courage we're we're renowned
We are wearing our colours
The mighty two blues
To the finals they take us
We're premiers through and through
Every game we're on the ball
All for one and one for all
We are the boys from Reservoir
We are the boys from Reservoir

Trust me, I want to know what the "divine system" is as much as you do, though my gut tells me it's probably just one or two variations on the classic "thump, grab and run like hell" play. I'd also really like the RGB scale of the "mighty two blues" before I go shopping on Broadway again in lavender.

But then we have this: an early 1950's Reservoir Football Club theme song, sung to the tune of "Bless 'em all".

There is a fair suburb 10 miles north of town,

Reservoir's township by name.

They have a great football team of red and white.

The premiership can be foreseen.

They play at Crispe Park as opponents well know.

They never do envy the match.

When they start a 'bashing',

We give them a thrashing,

And send them away for dispatch.

Chorus

Thash 'em all, kick a score,

We've never been out of the four,

Foes chances are thinner

We'd eat them for dinner 

They can't beat the old Reservoir

I know. It's unsettling until you get to the last verse.

Our team's premiership history can be viewed here.
You can't say we don't participate.

Reservoir Gothic

I'm a big fan of follies. Be it Kryal Castle or the Brighton Royal Pavilion, I say if you've got a dream so crazy that it's improbable you'll succeed and you'll leave people baffled for years to come, then go for it!
This is my favourite house in all of Reservoir, even including the Resbian house, the Graceland house and the Christmas house. I'm sure you can see why. Its greatness is compounded by its location, wedged in a backstreet behind the waste exchange centre, down by a toxic tributary, in a street where none of the other houses are exactly standing on ceremony, if they're standing at all.

You can just tell that this house was built by someone with a dream, someone who knew what they wanted (layers of grandness, a wrap-around driveway with a twin garage at each end, impressive tilework, private vinyard, gratuitous title), and who at various points was probably overheard saying "I don't give a fuck if it looks odd. This is what I want." 
I salute you!

Merry Christmas from the 'Voir!

Merry Christmas to one and all. May your dreams, like the 'Voir, grow brighter and brighter with each passing year.

2010

2011

2012

A Kiss For Santa

I was walking through the parklands this afternoon when a twin cab ute pulled up nearby. A man in a wife beater and shorts with a pot belly got out. He pulled a pair of long reach pruning shears from the back of the ute, cut four large bunches of mistletoe down from a eucalypt, popped it in his tray then drove off. I get the feeling he waits all year for Christmas.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

I was a bit concerned that the carbon tax would dampen Reservoir's love affair with Christmas lights this year. I should really have a better grip on my fellow Rezzadents' unflagging defiance in the face of adversity by now.

It is with great pleasure that I give you Christmas 2012.

Two Dogs Barking

Tonight I saw two dogs attack each other while they were being walked. The funny thing was that both owners dealt with the situation by shouting "Hey!" a lot rather than just separating their pets. For quite a while I watched the dogs straining at their leashes going "Bark! Bark! Bark!", while their owners stood fast shouting "Hey! Hey! Hey!" 
Eventually both parties tired of the interaction and moved on. 
I'm glad they were all able to come to an amicable agreement.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

This past weekend everyone put their Christmas decorations up in the 'Voir. It's so nice how everyone here respectfully waits until exactly a month to the day before Christmas to do it. Because putting them up earlier would just be tacky.

I thought of another one...

Singlets, tracky dacks and leisure footwear (sheepskin, Dunlop KT26, slippers etc) are all acceptable social attire, providing you only wear two of the three categories at a time. 
Socks with sandals is a no go though. Some things are universal.

A Pink Lamington Occasion

Today is a very special day. 

Today is my second Rezzaversary.

I have been blogging about Rezza for less than a year, but I have in fact been an official Rezzadent for two years as of today. Since my auspicious arrival in this suburb I've seen and learnt so many amazing things. 

For example, I now know that when fanging a turn at an intersection, a straight six should automatically give way to a V6, and a V6 should automatically give way to a V8, unless the V6 has some sick modifications that trump the V8. If said modifications aren't immediately apparent, some basic call-and-reply revving will quickly clarify right of way. Classic V8's do not have automatic seniority here, as they do in the inner city, but classic hogs do.

I now also know that even though people here drink more than people in Fitzroy (which is an achievement), they do it privately and at a reasonable hour, and therefore it makes sense that you can't buy alcohol after 10pm unless you're playing the pokies, and if your neighbour starts a jackhammer at 8am on Saturday you will seem odd if you try to tell them you were out until 3am and they are hurting your soul.

I now know that in addition to being really adorable loving little guys, Staffies are to the canine world what Toranas are to the automotive world: muscle dogs for chicks. 

I know that if I don't bring my bins in or mow my nature strip, the whole street feels awkward, and this embarrasses me.

I know that riding motorbikes barefoot is fine, so long as you've got your helmet.

I know that I can buy 50 varieties of cheese, and spices, and pickles, but can't find a good restaurant after lunch. That's ok - I'm rarely hungry after all that good cheese anyway.

I know all my neighbours' names, and they know mine.

Okay that part is still weird.

Man's Best Friend

Overheard:
"Nah fuck the dog. Get some more snakes instead."

Happy National Water Week From the 'Voir!

I know my heading sounds festive, but if I'm completely honest I'd have to say that I'm a bit crapped off. I've just found out that it's National Water Week, and it's Thursday. I don't think it's presumptuous to say that Reservoir has the wettest name, per unit of volume, of any suburb in Australia. Were any keynote Water Week events held in the 'Voir though? The fuck they were.

Love My Family

One of my favourite things about Reservoir is not being constantly bombarded with "My Family" stickers on rear windows of cars. Up here people are reminded often enough of the curse of fertility without having to create false idols in its honour.
A couple of days ago I saw my first one though. There was a sticker of a guy with a toolbelt and next to it a sticker of a dog, on a panel van with a trailer. Bet he does alright at Zagame's on a Saturday night.

The Customer is Always Right 2

Summerhill Safeway has now replaced half of its "Healthy Foods" section with a wall display for Pepsi New. It wasn't a particularly large section to begin with, so I'm not sure if this is an indictment of the people's feelings about the Macro buyout, or of Pepsico's relevance as a market innovator. Either way I'm excited. It's not every day that cola flavour as we know it is revolutionised.

The Customer is Always Right

I get the sense that Summerhill Safeway has finally done some number crunching. I walked into the bottle shop tonight to find that four of the seven aisles of wine had been completely removed, and the newly liberated floorspace had been replaced with giant pyramids of slabs. I've got to admit that it's a lot simpler to shop there now. When you stop frigging around with varietals and vintages and only have to choose between red, white, goon, slab or spirits it's a much quicker process.
My tongue feels weird.

Happy International Lesbian Day from the 'Voir!

I'm informed that today is International Lesbian Day. I feel it's a bit shortsighted of this event to overlook all our lovely Domestic Lesbians though, so on behalf of greater Reservoir, I would like to say "Happy Lesbian Day Resbians!". May you continue to leave your unmistakable mark on this suburb.

Wobbie's World

Link: Melbourne Playgrounds - Your guide to fun things for kids to do in Melbourne!

Edwardes Lake Park, Griffiths Street, Reservoir  

"Has a full size A2 class locomotive on display. The train is fenced off but it is possible to enter the driver's compartment and pretend that you are driving Douglas (or at least have a good healthy discussion as to which train it is from Sodor). The playground near the Athletics track and train is poor with broken down, old equipment. There is only one swing without a safety chain. Plenty of BBQs with sheltered tables. Near lake with lots of waterbirds. Toilets when they are not closed for repair - are they waiting for the Queen to visit for a grand re-opening ceremony?"

I wonder what a one star park is like.

Not Just a Clever Name

Link: Raid nets cannabis plants in Reservoir house

POLICE raided a house in Reservoir where they found 85 mature cannabis plants today.
"Early indications are it's a commercial quantity of cannabis...''   
Sgt Brilliant said.

Back Passage

Anyone who has made their way right into the guts of this blog will know how excited I get about the Pole Princess exotic dance academy.

If not, here are some quick links:

Ralph street car park pole dancing academy

They grow up so fast

Somehow though, their most public, and perhaps informative, piece of signage managed to escape my notice until just a couple of days ago.