I'm Just Going Outside....
Overheard: "The cunt took me fucken choof! You kids get back in the house! I'm goin' to Johnno's. I'll be back in a while."
Birthright
For anyone who still doubts the greatness of the 'Voir, I've just stumbled on footage proving that one of our great Australian treasures is a member of the Rezza alumni.
Link: Poida hosts Sale of the Century
Link: Poida hosts Sale of the Century
Rezza Win!
Link: Doing the block in Preston
(Please disregard the fact that this headline references Preston rather than Reservoir. This publication has to handle breaking news from over three suburbs weekly, so they can't reasonably be expected to be all over the tiny details.)
"A LARGE and ugly concrete slab, which was used to prop up a Reservoir power pole for six months, has been removed.
Just days after Preston Leader reported that residents were fed up with the concrete block on Oakhill Ave on July 10, power infrastructure company Jemena removed it and stabilised the pole with a steel channel. Resident Jim Logan said the concrete had partially blocked the footpath and had frustrated people for months, but it took workers less than a day to fix.
"It only took them a few hours, the pole is fine," he said. "I was straight onto the phone to my wife Mary, she said 'I don't believe it'."
The concrete had been placed at the site by Jemena on December 30 to stabilise the pole. Mr Logan said the area, once home to former Premier John Cain, was now back to being the nice place it was before the block's arrival."
Personally I'm just amazed this story went to print twice without ever using the term "Block-ade".
(Please disregard the fact that this headline references Preston rather than Reservoir. This publication has to handle breaking news from over three suburbs weekly, so they can't reasonably be expected to be all over the tiny details.)
"A LARGE and ugly concrete slab, which was used to prop up a Reservoir power pole for six months, has been removed.
Just days after Preston Leader reported that residents were fed up with the concrete block on Oakhill Ave on July 10, power infrastructure company Jemena removed it and stabilised the pole with a steel channel. Resident Jim Logan said the concrete had partially blocked the footpath and had frustrated people for months, but it took workers less than a day to fix.
"It only took them a few hours, the pole is fine," he said. "I was straight onto the phone to my wife Mary, she said 'I don't believe it'."
The concrete had been placed at the site by Jemena on December 30 to stabilise the pole. Mr Logan said the area, once home to former Premier John Cain, was now back to being the nice place it was before the block's arrival."
Personally I'm just amazed this story went to print twice without ever using the term "Block-ade".
Reservoir residents' anger over concrete eyesore
Link: Reservoir residents' anger over concrete eyesore
"RESERVOIR residents are fed up with an ugly concrete block that has propped up an unstable wooden power pole for the past six months.
"RESERVOIR residents are fed up with an ugly concrete block that has propped up an unstable wooden power pole for the past six months.
Nearby resident Jim Logan said the block - placed on a nature strip and footpath on Oakhill Ave - was a massive eyesore.
"You've got to see it to believe it. I wouldn't mind if they put it there for a month but you can't just leave it there (long term) and say this is our solution for holding up power poles," he said.
"It has sat there so long all the grass has grown all over it."
Mr Logan said the block affected a lot of people because it significantly narrowed the footpath.
"Everyone walks their dogs everyday and has to deal with it everyday," he said.
"It's hard for older ladies to get around it."
Electricity infrastructure company Jemena told Leader it placed the concrete at the site on December 30 last year to ensure the pole was safe and secure....."
"You've got to see it to believe it. I wouldn't mind if they put it there for a month but you can't just leave it there (long term) and say this is our solution for holding up power poles," he said.
"It has sat there so long all the grass has grown all over it."
Mr Logan said the block affected a lot of people because it significantly narrowed the footpath.
"Everyone walks their dogs everyday and has to deal with it everyday," he said.
"It's hard for older ladies to get around it."
Electricity infrastructure company Jemena told Leader it placed the concrete at the site on December 30 last year to ensure the pole was safe and secure....."
Learning to Fly
A couple of days ago I was lucky enough to see a biker teaching his son to ride. I was driving down Albert Street in heavy traffic when a man in full leather approached in the opposite direction on his hog. As he took the bend he looked over his shoulder and started waving someone through to his left, whereupon a child on a dirt bike popped into view, in a singlet and board shorts, barefoot. Tucked safely in dad's slipstream, they navigated a double lane right turn together and disappeared from view all too quickly over the crest.
And to think, if I'd only waited five more minutes to go to Northland(s), I would have missed it all.
And to think, if I'd only waited five more minutes to go to Northland(s), I would have missed it all.
teach custom made shoes
Link: teach custom made shoes
"Hi,
would like someone to teach me how to make custom made shoes. mainly concepts. include graphic designs."
I'd personally like to order the first pair of these conceptual shoes including graphic design that you make. They sound amazing. I'm wondering about the likelihood of you finding someone in Reservoir who wants to show you how to make shoes though, and if you do, I would be asking for credentials and a police check before cutting up leather in private with them. Just sayin'.
"Hi,
would like someone to teach me how to make custom made shoes. mainly concepts. include graphic designs."
I'd personally like to order the first pair of these conceptual shoes including graphic design that you make. They sound amazing. I'm wondering about the likelihood of you finding someone in Reservoir who wants to show you how to make shoes though, and if you do, I would be asking for credentials and a police check before cutting up leather in private with them. Just sayin'.
Grumpy, Sneezy, Doc... and Lung Oyster
Unconditional Love
At 10.30 tonight a neighbour came out onto the street to call her youngest child in.
"Where are ya?!! Ya big ol' bag a piss, come 'ere!!!"
Mega Voir
Driving around Reservoir in the rain at night time is like playing a vintage computer game - guys in tracksuits with hoodies keep popping out into the oncoming traffic without warning. As far as I know you don't win pills or treasure if you run over them. Of course I could be wrong.
Condensed Version
I just saw someone buy $208 worth of Diploma skim milk powder.
Nothing else - just the milk powder. I can't shake the unnerving sense that he knows something that I don't.
Nothing else - just the milk powder. I can't shake the unnerving sense that he knows something that I don't.
Be Not Afraid of GR8NES
Tonight I saw a small sedan with vanity plates that said GR8NES. It took me a few moments to step through the phonetics before I realised what a masterpiece of irony I was dealing with. I pursued it hotly for a while but it was going too fast for me, and eventually I lost it when I reprioritised and turned off at the bottle shop. Oh well, we don't all achieve GR8NES. Most of us just have it thrust upon us and have to be satisfied with blogging about it instead.
Small and Humble
I just met a tiny child named Shakira. This is fantastic. I had heard they were out there, but I had never seen one until now.
Farm Fresh
There are lots of reasons not to buy vegetables at a Reservoir supermarket. Here's the main one:
"Um, what's this?"
"A beetroot."
"Really?"
......
"What's this?"
"A sweet potato."
"What's this?"
...........
Yes, this is the cashier.
"Um, what's this?"
"A beetroot."
"Really?"
......
"What's this?"
"A sweet potato."
"What's this?"
...........
Yes, this is the cashier.
Stockholm Syndrome
A few nights ago there was a frantic knocking at my door. I ignored it for awhile but eventually I was distracted enough to pause my iview stream and answer it. A young American girl stood on my doorstep. Rather nervously, she told me that she was on her way to meet a friend for a house interview, but there was a woman standing on the corner screaming, so she felt reticent about crossing the road. I stepped out onto the porch.
"So there is." I observed.
There was an awkward moment of silence, before the young American girl said:
"I feel like I should call for help or something. Do you think she's alright?"
"No - I think she's alright." I said. "I'll re-evaluate if she stops screaming."
The young American girl and I stood and stared at one another for a few seconds, then she said:
"Do you mind if I stay on your porch until she goes?"
"Oh I'm so sorry!" I said, " Do you want to come in? Please, feel free to hang around here for a bit. It's much warmer inside."
She thanked me and stepped inside, to witness me scraping piles of unfurled newspapers from the sofa to make way for her. She sat on the very edge of the seat and began dialling madly on her mobile.
"So are you moving to the area because you're studying at LaTrobe?" I asked.
"Yes." she replied.
"Oh that's great, how exciting." I said. "And you're going for a room in a house right now?"
"Yes." she replied, still dialling. "I'm supposed to meet my friend, but she's not answering."
She looked up at me.
"Is this a safe area?" she asked.
"Absolutely." I replied, "Ok, so once in a while there's a crazy domestic like out there right now, but mostly it's just retirees and young families, and usually it's really quiet. I've spent the last 20 years living in the inner city, and I've got to say that I feel safer walking around here at night than I ever did back there."
I admit that I felt a little smug at this point, like a great ambassador of the 'Voir, spreading The Word.
There was a momentary pause, and then I realised I was wearing mini-uggs and tracky dacks, and she was sitting in between piles of my old newspapers. Faint screams were still audible in the distance.
She left.
I don't know if she got the house or not. I'll keep an eye out for her.
"So there is." I observed.
There was an awkward moment of silence, before the young American girl said:
"I feel like I should call for help or something. Do you think she's alright?"
"No - I think she's alright." I said. "I'll re-evaluate if she stops screaming."
The young American girl and I stood and stared at one another for a few seconds, then she said:
"Do you mind if I stay on your porch until she goes?"
"Oh I'm so sorry!" I said, " Do you want to come in? Please, feel free to hang around here for a bit. It's much warmer inside."
She thanked me and stepped inside, to witness me scraping piles of unfurled newspapers from the sofa to make way for her. She sat on the very edge of the seat and began dialling madly on her mobile.
"So are you moving to the area because you're studying at LaTrobe?" I asked.
"Yes." she replied.
"Oh that's great, how exciting." I said. "And you're going for a room in a house right now?"
"Yes." she replied, still dialling. "I'm supposed to meet my friend, but she's not answering."
She looked up at me.
"Is this a safe area?" she asked.
"Absolutely." I replied, "Ok, so once in a while there's a crazy domestic like out there right now, but mostly it's just retirees and young families, and usually it's really quiet. I've spent the last 20 years living in the inner city, and I've got to say that I feel safer walking around here at night than I ever did back there."
I admit that I felt a little smug at this point, like a great ambassador of the 'Voir, spreading The Word.
There was a momentary pause, and then I realised I was wearing mini-uggs and tracky dacks, and she was sitting in between piles of my old newspapers. Faint screams were still audible in the distance.
She left.
I don't know if she got the house or not. I'll keep an eye out for her.
A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words # 2
What I found in my garden:
Someone sure tore into those packets urgently.
I'm betting one of my neighbours has a shorter
garden hose now.
Return of The Fumigator
A couple of nights ago in a Reservoir supermarket a shoeless individual entered holding an aerosol can of deodorant. He approached a cashier and proclaimed:
"I bought this deodorant here!", then held it up to her face preparing to discharge it into her eyes. She ducked, as did all the other cashiers, like dominoes, behind her.
He then moved to the service desk and walked back and forth spraying the deodorant across the counter, then left, aerosol still in hand.
My witness was unable to confirm whether or not the perpetrator was wearing a Reservoir Hogs T-shirt. Apparently the store smelled quite pleasant for a while afterwards though.
"I bought this deodorant here!", then held it up to her face preparing to discharge it into her eyes. She ducked, as did all the other cashiers, like dominoes, behind her.
He then moved to the service desk and walked back and forth spraying the deodorant across the counter, then left, aerosol still in hand.
My witness was unable to confirm whether or not the perpetrator was wearing a Reservoir Hogs T-shirt. Apparently the store smelled quite pleasant for a while afterwards though.
FOR SALE IS MY FORD FAIRMONT
"This car is not like others. This car is a 6 cylinder in very very good conditions, and I cant describe it because you dont going to belive it, so... please come and see for you self or call me if you have any questions Thank you.
John"
Sounds too good to be true. I'm betting conditions apply.
Adding Insult to Injury
Link: Melbourne siege ends with $15m drug haul
Police raided properties in Reservoir, Brunswick, Maribyrnong, Glenferrie and St Leonards this morning.
Detective Superintendent Doug Fryer said the raids uncovered one of the most sophisticated drug labs officers had seen in 10 years.
Just in case you're wondering: no, the "sophisticated" lab wasn't the one they found in Reservoir.
Police raided properties in Reservoir, Brunswick, Maribyrnong, Glenferrie and St Leonards this morning.
Detective Superintendent Doug Fryer said the raids uncovered one of the most sophisticated drug labs officers had seen in 10 years.
Just in case you're wondering: no, the "sophisticated" lab wasn't the one they found in Reservoir.
Last Resort
I can see why the locals rejected this so violently. Trying to sell lifestyle to Reservoirians is like trying to sell an awesome moustache to Boonie.
A World Without Order
At the supermarket tonight I handed my cloth bag to the checkout chick and told her it would be fine to put everything in there together. She seemed pretty distressed by the prospect of all my loose, unlike items colliding recklessly with each other.
I watched with amusement as she took handfuls of plastic bags and lovingly wadded them between all the items in the cloth bag to buffer them.
I can't stop thinking about how that poor girl must wonder why people buy cloth bags. I kind of hope she feels sorry for us.
I watched with amusement as she took handfuls of plastic bags and lovingly wadded them between all the items in the cloth bag to buffer them.
I can't stop thinking about how that poor girl must wonder why people buy cloth bags. I kind of hope she feels sorry for us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)